Thursday, May 20, 2010

Killer Bees with Leprosy!

Desperate to not be working, I wandered off to this list of dangerous home-invading wild animals.  It starts off as you might expect: snakes, scorpions, alligators... Wait.  Alligators will go into your house?  Okay, I guess there's no reason they wouldn't, and I'm sure it would be a pretty bad thing if one did, once it woke up. 

Between four and five is a John Deere ad.  That makes sense.  Don't want one of those monsters getting inside.  Moving on, we have our traditional black widow warning, and a rabid bat.  Rabid bats seem to be stretching the theme a bit, but I know it's a legitimate threat and something a lot of people don't think about, so okay.  Next, mice infected with hantavirus.  What?  When did this turn into a Michael Crichton novel?  I half expected to click the "next" button and be confronted with a picture of a dinosaur labeled, "genetic engineering." 

But no, the next entry is just some kind of ceiling mold that will sneak in and eat your baby if you somehow fail to notice that all your plaster has turned black.  Then - you knew it was coming - we have the brown bear.  "Never intentionally feed a bear," we are warned.  I'm actually more worried about unintentionally feeding a bear. 

And finally... KILLER BEES!  This is cool because it has a picture of some honeybees, which are about the most beautiful animals I can think of.  No sarcasm there; I really love bees.  And jellyfish.  Trilobites are pretty darn cool too but, despite my childhood attempt to re-create them by selectively breeding some roly-poly-looking things I found living in a stream, they're extinct.

Number eleven appears to be a man with a mummified thumb.  Or Santa Claus with a broken hip. I guess I should get back to work now.

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