Thursday, March 07, 2019
I have this thing I do to relax sometimes. I imagine myself floating on my back in the ocean, but only for a moment. Then I start to sink. As I watch the sun sparkle on the surface above, I sink right out of my skin. It's not scary or painful. It's kind of like when you peel off the dead skin after healing from a sunburn. I'm done with this ugly thing; let it float away. The light on the surface gets fainter and bluer and farther away, and I shed all the muscle and cartilage and tendons and vessels and all that gunk as I continue to sink. The same with the viscera, nerves, brain, everything soft, until I can't see the light above at all and I'm only a pure, white skeleton sinking through black water. But even my skeleton is worn away as I sink through the sand, and it's only my naked Mind that seeps into the rock below. And I'm free. I'm far away from everything that lives. None of the nattering voices, the obligations, the rules, the noble fucking causes, none of that can reach me. I'm free from all the aches and pains and itches and urges of the body I've left behind. Finally, in that dark, silent shelter, I can think for myself.